I am often asked what is the key to a longstanding and fruitful relationship… What has enabled me to work closely with one partner for 25 years through the many changes and challenges of a nomadic lifestyle? Good question!

In one word I would say, “my trust in Life.”

“If you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy then the relationship will offer you salvation.”

               ~ Eckhart Tolle

Life does have a way of first relieving us of our illusions!  But indeed, the more conscious we become ~ the more understanding, more loving, less ruled by our fears and more at peace ~ the better our life becomes.

And what better than a close relationship to push our borders, trigger our insecurities and our hurts, bring out our reactivity and our judgments ~ so we may recognize and move beyond them?

“Through acceptance, approval, and trust in ourselves we notice and release these patterns from within us.            It changes the world around us.”

Hence a favorite line from my book: “Discover yourself, love yourself. You are creating a new world.”

“Our relationships have been the source of much bewilderment and misunderstanding. We finally come to see that they all depend on one thing ~ and the partners and friends we attract are all signposts clearly pointing us towards it: our own inner relationship.

In one way or another, everyone assists us, as we work and play together, on our priceless journey of self discovery and expansion…”  

                                                                                                            ~ Mirrors and Magnets, THE POWER OF THE HUMAN HEART


Every person we attract points us to look within. We may switch partners, our relationships may well improve, but eventually all roads lead back to our own front door.

It is through recognizing our own insecurities that we free ourselves from them. We thus become more relaxed and more steady, and able to move from “reactionship” to true relationship.

“We are breaking mind patterns that have dominated human life since eons.”

~ Eckhart Tolle, A NEW EARTH


These are times of transparency and quickening. As a result of accelerating evolution, our own consciousness ~ and that of humanity ~  is rapidly rising. Disempowering feelings and patterns are being exposed. Things we could live with before, we can now no longer tolerate.

“We are all being brought to release what is not really us and to recognize that which is. To expand the beliefs and roles we have identified with so far, to let go of whatever holds us back, and to discover and accept the shadow parts of ourselves and our loved ones. In this way we become more grounded, more genuine, more open hearted, and closer to our authentic being.”

~ Tough Times for Earthlingsor Blessings in Disguise?

Obviously, these times of rapid expansion greatly affect our relationships. Our ideal of a relationship is that it brings out the best in us and in our partners. Yet in the last decade (known by some as the Mayan age of integrity ~ wholeness) it has been primordial that our relationships also bring out the worst in each other. This has been a huge part of the role of relationships. Now that may explain some things!

For if we don’t see and accept the shadow parts within us how can we really become whole? And by bringing our shadows to the light we have done each other a huge favor in self discovery, self approval, and expansion. For we cannot transcend what we condemn. There is no way to move on without acknowledgment and integration of our own shadow traits.

Through this brave and bumpy journey of revelation and self discovery we stand stronger in our integrity ~ our own wholeness ~ our self love, and hence on our own two feet. If we find we are not supported by others, perhaps we are meant to find our own approval first…

 “Not seeking our own fulfillment outside of ourselves enables us to accept others just as they are. As they no longer have to fulfill what we have not found in ourselves, we don’t have to improve on them…” (out of our own insecurities.)

And once this work is done we can attract a different reflection. Either with the same partner or with a new one.

“The oak and the cyprus grow not in each other’s shadow.”                                                                                                                                                      ~ Kahlil Gibran

Many couples have separated simply because they have finished their work together, helped each other to where they are now, and are each ready for the next step.

… And separation can be the celebration of a step well accomplished.

Other couples, friends and families are now reconnecting, as they recognize and get over their inner hurts, judgment and blame. We are all learning to accept and appreciate others as they are, where they are, and to look more within ourselves.

Whatever our relationships, “We do want to go easy on each other in these times of transition, as we are all experiencing inner transformation and paving the new road as we go…

Our human heart is growing in this way, for we can feel that we are all going through the same process and the same issues. In doing so we are taking down the walls that have stood between us. We come to respect and value each other for our efforts and we birth greater compassion for our fellow humans.

We are moving beyond the roles we have all been playing together… We then relate with greater sensitivity and respect, not as spouses, or parents, or advisors, but from one individual to another.

…All over the world the face of relationships is changing, not only between couples, but also family members, friends and associates. It is a part of the upgrading we are experiencing, part of the whole change of mind and heart that is now sweeping the planet. It is part of the age of ethics and integrity we are in, part of the impulse of evolution.”

                                                                                                                     ~ THE POWER OF THE HUMAN HEART


It is part, too, of our coming to realize that we are all One.



going deeper

Amber Dawn

Sedona, Arizona

Nov, 2011

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